Problem Solving with Pets
Have you ever wondered what triggered a relationship pattern? Recently during a review of relationships, I was taken back to a childhood with a brother wondering what the source was of our early beginnings along with why it seemed so chaotic and frustrating at times. I always had a strong feeling that he needed the limelight or attention and at the time was okay with drifting into the background especially verbally allowing him to do the majority of the talking and let him answer questions.
Fast forward to patterns in our lives that we are working to understand fifty years later as to when and why they began. I have learned that when emotions arise when remembering a situation usually there is something for me to look at beneath the surface of what was or is happening and looking into the variances of what am I recalling versus what am I not. The Universe always has ways for us to see different experiences when we can step out of the details of what we are seeing at ground level.
A series of vacation pet visits shed light on the subject and quite clearly. One, as I am specifically looking into the original template and two, there is enough understanding emerging that I was able to see the sibling interaction not only for what it was, but also see the learning for myself and my deep dive into the main pattern that appears in relationships where there is a common personality trait. In this case, a six-month-old puppy, and her three-and-a-half-year-old big brother were able to step in to offer clarity. Prior to the puppy’s arrival there were certain personality traits that would arise in certain situations. In his case, it could play out in a variety of circumstances: if I was in the pool, the jealousy arose as in his mind the pool was getting the attention, when an older canine sibling was there the same trait showed up, as well as with kitten siblings. Anything or anyone that drew attention to something or someone else was the issue and would result in destroyed toys or anything else his paws could reach.
Now introduce a puppy who at times he is teaching about various forms of play, what is allowed versus what’s not in doggy terms, and even ways to defend herself. I am seeing the patient big brother side that did not show up in the other interactions, but I can also see the other little kid brother appear when he is tired, or he is missing the solo connection. I learned to find mini moments to give him the one-on-one time he desired and needed as the little kid he still is inside. The puppy displays certain traits that test his young dog patience – and would test a human child’s patience. She grabs one toy and decides she wants the one he’s playing with, so he begrudgingly switches. Then she changes her mind a few moments later and wants the other one as he looks like he is having so much fun with it. I can feel and see the irritation arising in him, so I calmly hand big brother one and her the other. They sit together chewing relaxed with one another. It is finding the solution in the moment as sometimes it is time away from one another that allows him to calm down.
We hear more about self-regulation now in schools than we ever did fifty years ago. Understanding the dynamics of young sibling play without learning healthy ways to handle emotions back then set us up for relationship patterns we often are challenged by today. Seeing the puppy and her brother dealing with what most likely played out in my earliest relationship helps me recognize the agitation in play. Yes, pets can teach us about ourselves.
