Observing Family Dynamics
These are some of the more common situations I have experienced over the past several years. Understanding and recognizing the dynamics within the household and amongst the animal family members is important to building a trust-based relationship with your pets.
Pets experience a lot more emotionally and/or mentally than is often realized. From grieving, stress, insecurities, fear of strangers, misunderstandings of what is being said in the home, their person going off to college, feelings of abandonment or the home being remodeled, all of these can have an impact on your pet’s behavior.
The Invisible Feline
I was told I would not ever see seven-year old sisters, Petunia (shown here) and Charlotte. From the first day, Charlotte who was shy and reserved stayed out in the room with me listening to the frequency music I played to support them as they adjusted to their new environment connecting from afar. Petunia hid throughout the first seven visits.
On my final day, Petunia darted around me from her safe spot beneath the couch I leaned against. As she was racing by, I told her she didn't have to run away that she could connect with me on her terms. She stopped to sit in a doorway about fifteen feet away - just watching. In the last moments, she came over to connect, rub up against my leg and chat with me. I offered Reiki, patience, love and respect - while being rewarded in the end with love and trust by both of them.
From that moment forward, Petunia always greets me as I walk in. Charlotte always enjoys the connection, understanding and respect I offer in permitting her to be herself.
Eight months later, Petunia now chooses to interact with other guests that come to her house while Charlotte connects from her spot on the stairs preferring companionship over touch. Both choosing to be seen in their own way, but no longer fearful.
Flying Solo
Whether your pet is flying solo as a result of a sibling pet’s passing or due to you returning to work and traveling outside the home, your pet feels and experiences the alone time in a whole new way. They get accustomed to life with others around. Sounds are more heightened with family gone. The silence can feel deafening. Many dogs begin looking for others to talk with which means they may bark at the neighbors when they did not before. Even cats go through this in much a similar way working to determine the sounds and become more talkative with you when you return to them. Many are now more social than ever before - and they crave that connection and interactive play more.
This was the situation with Charlie. Over six months later, Noni (his elder sister) crossed the rainbow bridge. I visited with Charlie shortly after and he was struggling with getting accustomed to the silence and being in the home alone for the first time in eight years. I observed that when I came in he most enjoyed the companionship and nurturing while he sat with me and napped. When alone, every noise inside or out would wake him as nothing seemed the same as when Noni was there. I told him it was okay, I would watch over him and his home while he slept. I also found myself answering his questions every time he would hear a sound. I would identify it and tell him it was okay.
Just as we are often caught off guard by new situations in our homes, so too can our animal companions - especially when walking the journey with an ailing sibling or flying solo without our fellow animal or human companions present. Connection and understanding is key for them.
(Pictured Charlie crossed the rainbow bridge on May 11, 2021)
The Walk of the Elder
When I first met Sundance, a 14 year old sheltie, I was told he no longer enjoyed going for walks. His mom had experienced him stopping near the mailbox. She began taking his younger brother, Tomas and leaving the senior dog at home. One day, I decided to see if Sundance wanted to participate.
After getting Tomas ready, I went into the laundry area and brought out Sundance’s leash...he was SO excited and knew he was being invited to go. I told him whatever pace he set and however long he wanted to be out was okay. As Sundance neared the mailbox, he all but ran past to show he wanted to continue on to a nearby dog park.
He walked a little slower on the return trip taking in everything! Tomas would drop back periodically to check on his older brother making sure he was well.
Sometimes as we age we do not have the energy to do something daily or as fast as our siblings or people want to travel. Often what an elder needs is love, patience and gentle re-engagement. As I was a new person, I didn’t know who he was before and only knew him in the present.
Moving Through Change
New families. New animal siblings. New environments.
All of these have a common thread for the pets in your life: it interrupts whatever their normal way of being was. They are learning to understand the new and internally adjust with changes to schedules, renovations, locations of their things, who is around and the way they fit into the family.
Understandably, this can trigger some behavior changes and in some cases insecurity as they move through the layers of that which makes up their new life. With many younger pets, this can look like a second fear stage where every movement, person, sound or smell causes them to act anxious (blog). With other pets, it can be a shifting of the pecking or alpha order amongst the animal beings with each other and with the people in their life.
Love, respect and patience for where each individual being is in their process is key to them moving through the changes with as much ease as possible.
When I met my friends, Rockie, Saydee and Bruno, they were in a highly changing environment. Some members were moving out, a new
mom came in, there was a merging of pet families with new feline siblings, and house remodeling projects followed by the pandemic. Each
of these on their own would have been challenging. In addition, the three each had their own unique challenges: Bruno, the youngster was missing his person who was out of the country plus he was very hyper and needed lots of exercise and play. Saydee, the elder female was afraid of strangers and was apprehensive about trying new things. Rockie, although the calmest overall, he along with his younger siblings didn’t like loud noises, thunderstorms and was somewhat anxious about their person not being there. Over the past two years, I have worked with each sibling group separately and the family as a whole with Reiki, music therapy, and animal communication to understand their individual and overall needs. Their mom has a better understanding of the way her actions, words and behaviors effect the overall household.