A Dog’s Response to the Ultimate Change
Whether the death is a companion animal or a person, many of our animal friends respond very similarly to us in dealing with the passing of a loved one as well as in other sometimes unexpected ways. I recently met a lifelong friend’s senior canine six weeks after the passing of my friend’s husband. Both my friend and the canine are working through the challenges of being in the home without the other person – working to create a new normal while not wanting to as well as encountering the grief stages that arise. Yet, both working through loss: one upset to be showing tears or any emotion as they perceive it as making others uncomfortable or the outdated feeling of it being a weakness versus a strength. The other in the form of the pup dealing with the disconnect in the only way she knows how while having it not be received well by the other.
It is very interesting when you can step back to see the bigger picture of where both are. The dog becoming highly sensitive to the silence in any of the rooms and doing her best to track her remaining person every moment. Why, because it is out of character in the home of the retired couple. There wasn’t a time when one wasn’t there in the room with her. If they were out of town, she was visiting her canine cousins. She traces the whereabouts of her person because one left and didn’t return creating a level of trauma in both with one understanding and the other not. She doesn’t want her mom to go away, not come back, so she follows her everywhere and always keeps eyes on her.
The mom on the other hand is not used to being followed 24/7 and sees it on the same level as an invasion of her space. Therefore, she becomes more agitated in the process. The dog feels her person’s sadness over the absence of their mutual person, so she is attempting to fill the emptiness in both their hearts and in the home by being present in her mom’s space the only way she knows how. This, on the mom’s side, triggers confusion and more anguish within the layers of grief.
Grief takes us on a journey regardless of whether we have two legs or more, whether we are human or animal, whether we outwardly show emotions or not, and whether we understand why the change has occurred or not. It is difficult to see any friends or family walking this experience, yet we all do at some point in our lives.
Living life eventually brings us all full circle. Our pet friends generally want us to live life to the fullest, discovering as much joy as possible, incorporating play daily, and remembering the importance of connection to nature and others while honoring our voices and emotions. This means speaking, writing, or releasing them in some way – so that they do not weigh us further down or become stuck inside. It is hard for these fun-loving and supportive beings to see their people in an out of character space.
