Just One Step
This week, I had a rather unusual experience with emotions and the personal impact of the past year. The shift in ways we did things knowingly or not came through in a way I least expected. Prior to the pandemic, I would go out hiking some local trails at area regional parks. Places and trails I had gone many times before on my own. Yet, the past several weeks I could not get myself there. I would come up with other things that kept me from doing it...tasks that would not have stopped me before, some mundane and others just unnecessary.
I began needing someone to go with whether for a general walk or a hike. My pandemic experience did lighten the number of people I was around to my roommate, my mom, a friend, and on rare occasions a human client with their pets while the majority of interactions with others was in the digital arena via zoom and similar environments. Post-lockdown, I did get out for a meal at a local restaurant, hiking with my mom during and post that time along with periodic pet sittings for those mainly traveling locally.
Kelly Vizzini - On the trail at Cave Creek Regional Park, Overton to Go John Trail
During this first quarter of 2021, I went five and a half weeks without a pet sitting walking buddy. Throughout that time, I struggled with getting myself out for any type of movement on a solo basis beyond home visits to see pets, connecting with my mom and helping a friend with packing. On March 1, walking resumed with my pet sitting buddy which seemed to open up the energy flow. I had three great walk/run jaunts with him, got in a hike at a new park with my mom and scheduled a short walk with my friend after a nearby pet visit during her lunch break on the weekdays of the first week of March. I learned my friend struggled with having a reason to be motivated enough to go out as she had been working from home for a year.
On that Sunday, I decided to head to a favorite hiking spot on my own and again faced the obstacle of getting myself out of the house. I finally chose to take some journaling paper just in case I could not get myself on the trail. I really wasn’t sure what the outcome would be and it felt SO out of character for someone who had been hiking alone on various park trails since the 1990s. Once I started driving there, I felt some of the anxiety diminishing. And at the same time, the song Feelings came flitting into my mind. This song debuted in the mid 70s and typically is not the genre of music I listen to, however, it was the words I needed. It was necessary to feel into the emotions that were triggering, go deeper into where I felt them in my body, and breathe through them to accept myself, my reactions and what I was encountering.
When I reached the mountain park stepping out of my car and onto the trailhead, I began with one step and then another. The song drifted away as I took in the familiar terrain, the sight of horses and others out on the trail. When I found myself coming down the other side of the path, the song came back through for a reprise of sorts. I was being asked to check in with myself and where my feelings were now that I had nearly completed the trail. I was to honor what I felt noticing what was the same and what differed in the experience.
An important thing to note is that it isn’t about whether you need to be with others or not, it is about respecting where you are and loving yourself enough to follow through with the stages listed below to help you move beyond the hurdle to get where you are wanting to be.
Recognize you are experiencing a challenge or anxiety.
Observe where you are feeling emotions in your body.
Take several deep breaths into those areas.
Accept yourself and where you are in the process.
Take a step towards the fear or anxiousness.
We all may experience something similar that may have nothing to do with a physical trail. Each time we take an additional step towards that fear or anxiety, progress is being made. A trail is rarely straight, it is often a series of ups and downs. There are many curves and bends. It can be rocky, dusty or even muddy. With each footstep we take, we release some of the energy that has held us back from doing whatever it is.
Know you are not alone in this journey. We will all need to start with just one step.
